I can't keep food down anymore. Even when I try to eat, it still comes back up. Today I ate cheesecake with my family. I felt happy, managed somehow to forget that I was consuming straight fat, solid calories. After is when I got scared. I tried to purge. Nothing would come. I cried.
Now, I throw up everytime I try to do anything. How fucked is it, that I cant throw up when I actually want to, but when I dont, I can do nothing else?
I dont think the Little Big Brother is going to kill himself anymore. Ive been trying to help him for months. I think I finally got through to him, even if I practically had to make him hate me to do it.
I need to stop eating. The scale read 142. I cried. My pants didnt fit.
Im 40 pounds heavier than I was last december. In a year and a half, Ive gone from 102lbs, to 159, to 134, to 142.
I am DISGUSTING.
Is it so much to ask to be strong enough to lock my mouth, and hold myself steady with iron stilts?
Goodbye.
Micha,
BLADESNBONES.
No comments:
Post a Comment